Time Stands Still

I noticed, unfortunatley, yesterday that for many people that at one time or another were good friends of mine, people I had love for, are stuck in time. No, Im not refering to Kanye's 'Summer School' 80s Glasses Gay Akira style. Im refering to a couple of junkies that we'll leave nameless in case they wanna sue me for libel to get more dope to fuel their tragic existance of pain, sickness, high, and self hatred. Im no fucking saint and I'll say that off the rip. Many that know me already know that I once had an addiction or 50 and in a way I guess I still have some habits. Not the ones that the people Im speaking of have, but small habits none the less. It saddened me last night to hear that one of my friends that I THOUGHT (in big letters, lol) was getting her shit together nicely, has made a huge mistake. It came when I made a phone call to a friend to try to verify a story about some other totally fucked up debauchery involving a long distance relationship and your mind can take that one from there. I digress, so who answers my boy's phone? Yessir, my friend that was supposed to be in treatment. Lets just call her Lindsay, it seems so appropriate. Lindsay has been in detox and rehab more times than I could count with socks off but had an enormous opportunity to keep her sorry ass outta jail and take advantage of the opportunities her upper-middle class parents that would do basicly anything for her, including pay for college, afford her. Well Lindsay decided that 2 weeks before completion of said rehab stint that it was indeed a good time to leave. Lindsay then proceeds to inform me that she and her boyfriend whom she met in rehab (how cute) are going to rent a room at a flop house filled witha buncha other holy-mother-of-god fuck ups until she and her new found match made in hell could get their own place, which would be never because its hard to pay light bills when ur busy trying to be a junkie. Needless to say I gave her advice she wont take and she is back where she was 5 years ago when her whole trip into dirtbag junkie land began. Now alot of these people I still consider friends in the fact that I care about their well being. Leave them be alone in my house? Not so much. Junkies for the most part (and I did say for the most part) can and are well meaning and mostly pitiful people, which is always a bad thing when you have even half an ounce of consideration, pity, or patronage in your body (which totally explains the parents on that show "Intervention"). Now not all of my friends who have decided that they are going to stand still for about 5 years between rehab and jail stints doing the same damn thing are in the gutter under the bridge junkies. They're what you'd call functioning addicts, I suppose. The question I ask myself now, is when the fuck are you gonna decide to change? Why not just kill yourself? You are wasting space, air, time, tax dollars, I mean shit, what do you bring to society except perpetuate trade in a HIGHLY violent section of drug trafficking? Im sickened, saddened, angry, and just dismissfull at this point. I try not to be one of those people thats like, I did it why cant you, and I dont think I am one. I just cant wrap my mind around a decision to wait it out 2 weeks and be free as a fuckin bird, or bounce and face YEARS, Im talking YEARS in prison... for what? Time Stands Still for Lindsay, and all my friends like her, that struggle between having a normal life and being a junkie, because their normal life is being a junkie? What is "normal" anymore. These are good people, smart people, people that if applied their hustle to the real world would be amazingly successfull, yet Time Stands Still. What is it? The lifestyle? The High? The "feel of the steel" as they say? That would make you sell or sell out anything and anyone, even the people you love and that love you most to chase the dragon? Drug addiction is an amazing thing when its forced in front of your face and you really have to deal with it, when its your friend, your brother, your parent or child or girlfriend or best friend that Time Stands Still for. Then you will see the finality of addiction, the depseration, and why recovery truly saves lives. But for now, for my friends, Time Stands Still.

1 Hunned.

EReal.